I became obsessed w performing what I thought I should be in order to receive love
I should be desirable: so I performed my sexuality
I straightened my hair. I obsessed about my clothes. I would die if I were ever seen without makeup
This led to years of obsessing over my body & my looks (which is conditioning I continue to heal from even today)
I became obsessed with what they wanted:
Was I sexual enough?
Cool enough? Intriguing enough?
This led to me centering their desires over mine
After years of doing that, I lost the ability to see and feel who I truly was. What I truly liked. What I really valued
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